Open relationship

The basic agreement behind an open relationship

An open relationship is a relationship in which partners, with mutual knowledge and consent, agree that one or both can have sexual, and sometimes romantic, contact with others. The primary relationship stays the anchor; what's allowed outside it is something you agree on together.

That's what sets an open relationship apart from cheating: there's no secrecy, and both partners know and accept the arrangement. What is and isn't allowed differs from couple to couple, from sex only with no emotional attachment to room for the occasional date.

At The Pineapple Club, an open relationship is one of the styles members explore within a private, safe environment. Our code of conduct covers how we respect each other's boundaries, whatever arrangement a couple makes between themselves. Wondering how it differs from swinging or polyamory? Read our explainer.

Why agreements are never the whole story

There's no fixed model. Some couples work with strict rules, others deliberately keep things looser and rely on ongoing conversation.

What an agreement means in practice often only becomes clear once you actually live through it together. That's exactly why check-ins play such a big role within an open relationship: the agreement gives direction, but doesn't replace trust, responsibility or the recurring conversation.

For example

Think of a couple who agree that casual sexual contact is fine, but repeated contact with the same person gets discussed first. Or partners who visit a parenclub together and decide, evening by evening, whether they play separately or not.

Want the full guide to relationship forms, including making agreements, jealousy and compersion, and how to start as a couple? Read non-monogamy: ethical, honest and with consent.

Note: for a therapist's perspective on open relationships, see the Dutch Relationship Therapist Register (Dutch).