Polyamory

What makes polyamory different from cheating

Polyamory is a form of non-monogamy in which you deliberately have multiple loving relationships at the same time, with everyone's knowledge and consent. The word is made up of the Greek "poly" (many) and the Latin "amor" (love). Literally, then, it means "many loves".

Polyamory is built on honesty and communication. Everyone in the relationship(s) knows about each other and agrees to it. That's exactly the difference with cheating, where secrecy isn't missing, it's the whole point. With polyamory, you discuss agreements, boundaries and expectations explicitly, often repeatedly. Relationships simply change over time, and what feels right today, you can adjust again tomorrow.

Within The Pineapple Club, members often come across this word as one of the relationship styles that fit an open-minded lifestyle. Our code of conduct goes into detail on how we handle each other's boundaries across all these relationship styles. Wondering how it differs from swinging or an open relationship? Read our explainer.

Different forms of polyamory

Polyamory has no fixed structure. What matters isn't the shape, but the principle: everyone knows about it, everyone agrees to it, and no one is put on the spot.

A compact overview of polyamory and other forms of consensual non-monogamy can be found in the American Psychological Association's factsheet. For the broader academic discussion around non-exclusive relationship styles, see this narrative review in Archives of Sexual Behavior.

For couples and singles joining The Pineapple Club, polyamory isn't a goal in itself. It's one of the many recognised forms within which members shape their own version of open-minded love and connection.

For example

Think, for example, of open relationships or "kitchen table" polyamory, where all partners and metamours know each other well and sometimes literally sit at the same table together. It can also mean three people who all have a bond with each other (a throuple), a couple with separate independent relationships, or a wider network of partners and metamours. Some polyamorous people live together; others deliberately keep separate households (solo polyamory).

Related terms: Swinging, Consent

Want the full guide to relationship forms, including making agreements, jealousy and compersion, and how to start as a couple? Read non-monogamy: ethical, honest and with consent.