Metamour

"Beyond love", literally

A metamour is the partner of your partner, someone you don't have a romantic relationship with yourself but who is part of the same network of relationships, also called a "polycule". The word combines the Greek "meta" (beyond) with the French "amour" (love), and in everyday use is often shortened to "meta". The term first shows up documented in the year 2000, within the early online polyamory community on Usenet. How partners perceive each other's metamours and how that dynamic plays out is explored in this publication in PLOS ONE on primary and secondary relationships within polyamory. Some metamours become good friends and do things together, others prefer to keep their distance, and both are completely normal within a healthy polyamorous structure. Some polyamorous people develop a bond with their metamours that comes close to friendship, while others only briefly run into each other now and then at a shared event. Both variants are entirely common, as long as the mutual attitude stays good-natured and neither feels threatened by the other in their relationship with the shared partner.

The metamour relationship at The Pineapple Club

Within our community, you regularly run into a member's metamour through events, sometimes even together on the same evening. Our code of conduct asks everyone to be respectful and open in that relationship too, even though it's not a romantic connection. Have you gotten to know a metamour through The Pineapple Club and something isn't clicking between you two? Take it seriously and discuss it with your shared partner instead of quietly working around it or ignoring it yourself. Some members even choose to go to an event together with their metamour, which often lowers the threshold for everyone and strengthens the feeling of a shared, trusted circle. That way the atmosphere stays pleasant for everyone, over the longer term too.

Want the full guide to relationship forms, including making agreements, jealousy and compersion, and how to start as a couple? Read non-monogamy: ethical, honest and with consent.