Red flags

Signals worth taking seriously

Red flags are warning signs while dating or in a relationship that suggest something isn't healthy. They range from small irritations, like constantly running late, to serious signals such as controlling behaviour.

Not every red flag means you should stop right away. Some are a sign to pay closer attention, others, like manipulation or crossing a boundary, are reason to step back.

At The Pineapple Club, safety isn't only about what happens during events. Our code of conduct gives members a clear framework for recognising and reporting boundary-crossing behaviour, outside events too.

From minor irritation to serious signal

Common signals range from endless talking about themselves with no interest in you, to disappearing after intimacy. The heavier category deserves its own mention: physical threats, control and gaslighting have no place in a normal relationship pattern, however subtle the start may seem.

Most people only act after several signals, not after the first one. That makes it extra important not to wave away early signs too quickly. Trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right, that's often reason enough to pause, even if you can't quite name it yet. Talk it through with a friend, or hold it up against our code of conduct: that usually makes it quick to tell whether it's a minor irritation or something bigger.

For example

Think of a date who's constantly on their phone, never asks about you, or is unkind to staff. Or, more seriously, someone who tries to limit your contact with friends. Both are signals, just with very different weight.

Note: for a longer list of dating red flags to watch for, see Women's Health NL (Dutch).