Ghosting

Why someone suddenly stops responding

Ghosting means someone suddenly stops replying: no messages, no calls, no reaction on social media, without explanation and without a goodbye. The name refers to a "ghost" that simply vanishes.

It can happen at any point: after a few good conversations on a dating app, after a first date, or even after someone seemed to know you well for months. Almost everyone who's tried dating has experienced it at some point.

At The Pineapple Club, Discover and Dating are deliberately not an anonymous swipe pile. Our code of conduct asks members to treat each other with respect, even when a spark doesn't go anywhere.

What's usually behind ghosting

Ghosting rarely comes from ill intent alone. Many people get so nervous about a planned meetup that they close the app and disappear, more often out of insecurity than indifference. Conflict avoidance plays a big role too: saying nothing feels easier to many people than having an awkward conversation, even though that doesn't make it any less painful for the person on the receiving end. Social rejection activates some of the same brain regions as physical pain.

A simple message, even a rejection, costs little and prevents a lot of uncertainty for the other person. That's exactly why closing things out honestly is valued at The Pineapple Club, even when the answer is "no". A short "good to have met you, I'm just not feeling a click" closes something properly, without it needing to become a long conversation.

For example

Think of a few days of pleasant messaging, followed by total silence the moment a date is suggested. Or someone who, after a great evening, never gets in touch again, with no explanation at all.

Note: for more on why ghosting happens and its psychological impact, see Quest (Dutch).