Unicorn

Where the term unicorn comes from

The term originally comes from swinger and polyamory circles: just like a unicorn, someone like this was seen as rare and hard to find, hence the name. In practice, it's usually a single person joining an existing couple, rather than all three people starting the relationship as equal partners.

That's what sets a unicorn apart from a triad or throuple: there, three people build a relationship together, with an equal say for everyone. In a unicorn dynamic, the couple already exists, and the third person joins them, often within agreements the couple had already set before that third person came along.

The ethical side of the term

Precisely because a unicorn joins an existing couple, there's a risk lurking: that this third person gets treated as an addition to the couple's relationship, rather than as an equal partner with their own voice. Academic literature on attraction to a "third" within existing relationships describes this dynamic and the tension between involvement and objectification, see for example this overview in Sexuality & Culture. Polyamory researcher Elisabeth Sheff, drawing on her long-running research into polyamorous relationships, discusses why triads work best when everyone involved has an equal say, rather than one side setting the rules in advance, see her article on triads, throuples and threesomes.

Our code of conduct translates this into a concrete expectation: everyone within an encounter has an equal say and an equal right to set boundaries, regardless of who became a member first.

For example

Some couples search very specifically for a unicorn, sometimes called "unicorn hunting" within the community, and it's known as the least appreciated approach, precisely because the third person then quickly has to fill a wish list instead of building their own relationship. A more respectful approach starts with curiosity about who someone is, not with a role already filled in beforehand. Within The Pineapple Club, everyone taking part in an encounter has their own profile and their own voice, including anyone joining a couple as a third.

Want the full guide to relationship forms, including making agreements, jealousy and compersion, and how to start as a couple? Read non-monogamy: ethical, honest and with consent.